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Real Questions from Real Parents #7 – Therapist’s Role in Divorce

Several parents have raised similar questions regarding a therapist for children in the specific context of divorce. The role of a children’s therapist should be very clear, and there are issues that arise when parents are no longer making joint decisions for their children. If you are a parent facing or post-divorce and are pursuing therapy, here are things that you might find helpful.

Often in a divorce, parents act without the consent of the other. Sometimes this means securing a therapist without informing the other parent of the intention. This is not necessarily a problem, so long as the therapist does not align with the parent bringing the children, or assume that the other parent is not interested in the well-being of the children. While the law does not require the consent of both parents for therapy, ethics and good practice would involve both parents in the process. Both parents would at least be aware of the therapy process.

This does not always occur, however, and questions are raised as to the allegiance of the therapist. Therapists are neutral third parties, there to form a therapeutic relationship with the child and offer appropriate interventions. If the therapist is practicing ethically, he or she remains unbiased and uninvolved in the parental conflicts. Any information shared about parents is used to assist the child with coping skills, conflict resolution and processing.

One of the questions that I am asked frequently is if one parent is taking the children to a therapist, should the other parent begin taking the kids to a different therapist. The short answer is no. Every therapist has a different set of skills and unique approach. A child can benefit from different therapists, but not simultaneously. If the children are truly benefiting from therapy, there is no need to double up. Doing so is sometimes seen as power play among the parents, clearly about what the court or judge thinks about their parenting rather than a focus on the children.

Further, children are far more intuitive than for which they are given credit. If they are going to a therapist to alleviate parental guilt over the divorce, to create a court record of “good parenting”, or to manipulate the situation in any form, they know it. This awareness creates resistance and confusion, thus impeding the process of therapy regardless of therapeutic alliance. Children should never be made to feel as pawns for any reason.

Lastly, regardless of who found the therapist, both parents have the right to be made aware of progress in treatment. Confidentiality can be maintained while still allowing for both parents to understand goals, intervention strategies and successes. You can contact the therapist and request a consultation to determine status. Further, if you believe that the therapist is not acting in the best interest of your children for any reason, you can request termination. However, that decision needs to be made with caution and thought for the well-being and health of the child. Your personal impression of the therapist or why he or she was involved is not nearly as important as the rapport with the child and ability to help the child.

Children often are caught in the middle in a divorce, therapy aside. Children will almost always need help adjusting to the new normal and making sense of their feelings. Therapy is a great way to accomplish those goals and set your children up for well-being. If the children are under 12, play therapy is the best approach, in my opinion. Regardless of messiness or difficulty in a divorce, therapy should be beneficial, enjoyable and rewarding for any client – especially children.

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  • slr_06

    I realize this is an old post but your article comes really close to answering my question and I wonder if you would be able to clarify a point. I started myself and my 11 year-old with an LMHC intending to participate in family therapy, but the therapist has turned out to be the primary therapist for my husband who has now been diagnosed as bipolar. I feel my daughter and I should be seeing our own therapists. My daughter is not comfortable with the woman, either. He has specifically disallowed me to let my daughter see another counselor. What can I do in this situation?

  • KristyParker

    HELLO,I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr Isaac has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man Muller we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr Isaac for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems contact the great drisaachelpcenter@gmail.com

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  • solie

    my story goes to everyone out there that are in the situation that i have also being through. and how i was saved.

    I have been rejected by my husband 6 months ago after (12) of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address (camaralovespell@live.com) have help a woman to get back her husband. and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband.

    His email : CAMARALOVESPELL@LIVE.COM

  • BekarJoe09

    Hi My name is “BEKAR JOE” I was married for 15years with lilian. things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me.she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 2 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, she moved back to the house and we continue to live happily. what a wonderful miracle dr. trust did for me and my family. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… I strongly believe someone out there need’s his help.(Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com)so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.call him +2348156885231 his Via web sit: (http://ultimatespellcast8.wix.com/ultimatespellcast)

  • RiversDerek

    *As at this the month last year my life was a mess i lost everything my wife, my job, my house and even my kids it was really bad that i had to go live with my father. First, i lost my job as a result of covering the bad things my best friend committed and there after everything fell to pieces. My family fell apart i fought with my wife always over every little thing i remember we fought over the fact that my credit card was declined a the shopping mall she was well aware of our situation, that is how i lost my job and all that. I think what made her most mad at me, was that i lost my job because i was protecting my friend. Then i started defaulting on my mortgage payment i could not pay up, i could not pay my bills every responsibility in my house was on my wife. She could not do it all alone she need me to be the man of the house and i failed her and my kids. I was ashamed to call myself a man. Then the worst happened, the bank took my house and my family were thrown out. Once again my wife just felt disappointed in me she could no longer take it she had leave me took with her our kids. I became a confused man with nothing to live for. I started drinking and smoking heavily to top it all i had to move in with my father. I had to listen to him all the time telling me how disappointed he was at me. It was like i was blacklisted by every company here in the United State no one wanted to heir me even with my experience and how good i was with what i do it was impossible for me to get a job i had to do odd job to fund myself and move around town. My wife would not even let see my kids she did not want me around them. She thought i was a bad influence on them. But i was given a reason to keep living by a spell caster named Obudun Magonata. He help me get a new job in my own field and helped me get my wife back. I must be honest here i was never a fan or believer of all this kind things that has to do with charms and spell i always thought they were sham. Obudun Magonata showed me the other side of spells the good side of it. I will count myself lucky to have found him and get this ironically, i found his address on the internet by chance. I was not even going through anything related to spell i was looking for jobs and then stumbled on a couple of comment about him and how he help people. I only called him when all my options failed he was my last card and he just clicked. Obudun Magonata cast a Good Luck spell for me and also a Love Spell to get my wife back. Honestly i gave him money to help me get the materials for the spell which he did. He did not ask i pay him for the service rendered. He told me his spell casting gift was free hence he help people for free. He also told me after i get my new job in two months i will be promoted to executive manager and it all happen all what he told me happen. He told me he was going to make my wife come back even when see started seeing another man and that this time she was going to be mine forever through any crisis. My family has never been this happy since Obudun Magonata help me repair my life with his wonderful spell. If any of you reading this want anything in this world that seems impossible to get, i will tell you to contact Obudun Magonata with this email spiritsofobudunmagonata@(yah oo). com i think and i know he is the quickest road that leads to where you find happiness and all the best things in life…rewrite this email in its real format to use….*

    • carina gomez

      I have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 3months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. KALA on his email (kalalovespell@gmail. com) and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that i should come back to the house. I have never in my life believe in spell but now he has just helped me out to be a fulfill woman and i am now so happy. All Thanks to DR KALA and if you also want to have your Husband back to yourself here !! his email again is KALALOVESPELL@GMAIL. COM i am so happy to testify of your work and kindness.. ..

    • Katherina Chia

      I am making this testimony on the internet because i made a vow to myself and DR Camara that i will tell the world about his wonderful spell. Dr Camara has wiped my tear with his spell, He has made me happy again by helping me get my Husband back with his spell after 8 months of divorce. Dr Camara is truly a God on Earth sent by Almighty God to help man kind. My husband left me 8 months ago and be with another woman and he told me he does not love me any more and ever since then i have been looking for solution till I saw so many good testimonies on the net on how Dr Camara helped them to get back there loved once and so i contacted him via email (camaralovespell@live. com) and explained my problems to him and he told me that my husband will come back to me within 2days by begging me to accept him back and sorry for the pains he caused me. I am so glad today because my husband is back to me, he came back to me just after 2days as Dr Camara promise me. contact Dr Camara for help via email: CAMARALOVESPELL@LIVE. COM ,

  • carina gomez

    I have been married for 4years and i have a break up with my husband 3months ago and i was worried and so confuse because i love him so much. i was really going too depressed and a friend directed me to this spell caster Dr. KALA on his email (kalalovespell@gmail.com) and i made all my problems known to him and he told me not to worry that he was going to make my husband to come back to me and in just 48hours i receive a call from my husband and he was appealing that i should come back to the house. I have never in my life believe in spell but now he has just helped me out to be a fulfill woman and i am now so happy. All Thanks to DR KALA and if you also want to have your Husband back to yourself here !! his email again is KALALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM i am so happy to testify of your work and kindness..

  • Katherina Chia

    I am making this testimony on the internet because i made a vow to myself and DR Camara that i will tell the world about his wonderful spell. Dr Camara has wiped my tear with his spell, He has made me happy again by helping me get my Husband back with his spell after 8 months of divorce. Dr Camara is truly a God on Earth sent by Almighty God to help man kind. My husband left me 8 months ago and be with another woman and he told me he does not love me any more and ever since then i have been looking for solution till I saw so many good testimonies on the net on how Dr Camara helped them to get back there loved once and so i contacted him via email (camaralovespell@live.com) and explained my problems to him and he told me that my husband will come back to me within 2days by begging me to accept him back and sorry for the pains he caused me. I am so glad today because my husband is back to me, he came back to me just after 2days as Dr Camara promise me. contact Dr Camara for help via email: CAMARALOVESPELL@LIVE.COM

  • Alan Pratt

    My Name is Dan Anelos ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called otisdarko60@yahoo.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: otisdarko60@yahoo.com… CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED OTIS DARKO … HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS : otisdarko60@yahoo.com … CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS…

  • Alan Pratt

    ATTENTION EVERYONE,

    BE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK, ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL I SAW A POST ABOUT ANITA SPELL CRAFT AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HER MY LAST TRAIL.HE ASK ME FOUR THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND $380 AND SAID MY EX WILL COME BACK IN 24HOURS, I HAVE PAID OVER $4800 ON SPELL CASTING AND COURIER AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME AFTER 3 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR SO I SAID LET ME GIVE HIM A TRY SO I CALLED HIM AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND THE $380 BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS HE TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK AT 9PM THAT DAY I SAW MY WIFE ON LINE ON FACE BOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 9 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFF-LINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ON LINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 7.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE CALL AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE BACK AGAIN I CALL DR OTIS DARKO SPELL THE NEXT DAY THANKING HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HIM AND THANK HIM AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT MY WIFE PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A TRUE LOVE SPELL THEN CONTACT DR OTIS DARKO SPELL HOME NOW: otisdarko60@yahoo.com